A failure! She must write herself down a failure! At her age, with her ambitions, with her artistic temperament and creative instincts, she was yet to be denied all coherent means of expression. Her impressions of this cardinal ceremony were rich and confused, complicated by a quite transitory passion that awakened no reciprocal fire for a fat curly headed cousin in black velveteen and a lace collar, who assisted as a page. His subconscious sensed the unnaturalness of it and recoiled. ‘You are the one that I have met in London. Or run me through. Perhaps that sealed letter was a form of confession, and thus relieved him on that score. . I struck him across the face, jumped out and went back by train to Paris. It was one of the secret troubles of her mind, this grotesque twist her ideas would sometimes take, as though they rebelled and rioted.
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